d e L Y S H o u s .

Which to follow, my head or my heart?

2010-07-07T21:17:00.000+08:00

I'm the manager of a Navin's football team :) (I plan to go all Maradona on them if they don't win)
My tummy's finally flat again. (really)
People telling me to cheer up because I look like I'm dying.
I finally sat down and finished almost all my severely overdue homework. + I paid attention in class. What what Abu Bakar bin as-Siddiq, Ali Bin Abu Bakar or something, and two other men. Mereka merupakan Khalifah yang memimpin orang Islam selepas kewafatan Nabi Muhammad. Now I feel like a nerd.
Shawn, Jared, Haris, Robin and Brendan

Things that spoiled everything

Him
Thinking about him

Honestly, everytime I thought about it my happiness level shot straight down to zero.. But why should I even bother when he doesn't even respect all the things we once promised each other? All the little things, it hurts how much we're past all that. Things shouldn't have to be this complicated. And if he really wanted to be with me he wouldn't have to wait til Friday to tell me so.

Should I just let this go?

Sorry, yesterday's post was long and winding and didn't even explain much but if you really want to know, please ask instead of assuming. On second thought, ask him. His version of the story's always better. And it will probably make me sound like the asshole.

I miss him so much...

and now my bestfriend's leaving for the US.

You tell me I want to jump off a building or not?..

I've been crying everynight for three days straight, I have no mood to talk, or eat or do anything. I need a new scene. I hate the situation I'm in, I hate the things I do, I hate being like this, I hate having zero enthusiasm for anything. I need something new.

If you're not the one.

2010-07-06T21:31:00.000+08:00

Long unedited full-of-spelling-and-grammatical-errors rant about Nick, run away while you can.

Last night after a particularly heart wrenching conversation at 2 am I sat alone in the dark drowning my thoughts out with Kate Walsh - Your Song. I don't know what it was, the mellowness of the song, the gravity of the situation, but I let my tears fall freely. I was in a lone insecure pathetic place. I tried to block all my thoughts out and go to my happy place, but then I discovered that I don't really have one anymore.

I can't remember the last time I was happy ; truly happy..

I have been waiting for him for three entire years. Waiting in the sense that I've given him time to sort his family issues out. Issues that have been put the most strain on us. Three years. And in these three years, he hardly ever replied my texts, hardly ever replied me on Facebook, hardly ever got to go out with me, cheated, lied, you name it. Before you call me a dumbass for staying, I stayed because I genuinely love him. So much that it would be impossible to blog about. And I know that in some ways, he does too.

After we broke up, we were only supposed to be friends but somehow somewhere we ended up becoming what we are today. One of the main reasons I could never be friends with him is the thought that he would find somebody else, and then where would that leave me? And then he kept changing his mind between wanting to be with me, and not. Confusing, no? Even when Nick and I were just friends and I tried to move on, he still felt he had a say when I started talking to BoyA. The worst thing is, I listened to him.

Last night when asked, he told me he still loves me ; just not as much as before. Why? "Because I'm under a lot of pressure and because shit happens". If he wants to put it that way then I can also say that he has caused me a tremendous amount of shit too, but never has my feelings for him faltered in the slightest bit. Three years of waiting around for him, putting up with his shit and not only does he not love me as much, but I finally found out that after all this time being just friends is good enough for him. After all the sacrifices I made for him you have no idea how much it sucked to hear it.

In some ways I know I'll always love him, but it's hard for me too. As much as I love him and want to make it work, giving the situation he's in himself, he can't make me happy and he won't let me find happiness in someone else. I can't be friends with him because he's eventually going to find someone else, and my heart doesn't want to stick around for another round of heartbreak. So what else can I do but be selfish? At this point it seems like walking away is one of my only options.

I'm not one of those cowards who misuses her blog to indirectly tell people what I want to say just because she knows that they will read it. I know for a fact that Nick doesn't read my blog, so it's alright. I only blogged about this because I wanted to let it out without breaking down in front of anyone..

Do you know why its so hard to walk away from him sometimes?

Because I know he won't come after me.

My piece of modern technology.

2010-07-06T21:26:00.000+08:00

HELLO READERS :)

I'd like you to meet Porsche.

(yes, I must name everything)

As you know, I've been using a crappy black obselete Negro (my black Nokia), since some useless mei-you-jia-jiao (direct translation : no family teach) fuck stole my poor Cassidy (my pink qwerty) last year.

I have finally come out from the jungle.

The only thing I don't like about him is that he's blue. Urgh, it was either blue or orange. I thought blue would be less heinous than orange but I guess I was wrong lol :P

ANYWAY, MOMMY VOWS TO TAKE BETTER CARE OF YOU, PORSCHE. eventho you're not pink.

If any mahai people try to steal you, scream loud loud okay? :)

CHIM KAI WEN.

2010-07-06T19:57:00.000+08:00

SATURDAY ;

If you want predictions on which teams to bet on, ask me. Then bet on the other team. You confirm win one (Y)

MERCIFUL JESUS.

When I woke up this morning, I turned on my camera and

THIS

scared the shit out of me.

Thanks, Wen.

P.S, your face very the clean horrr? ;)

Mahai.

2010-07-04T00:22:00.000+08:00

THANK YOU, GERMANY.

Because of your four goals, I no longer get the lisence to gloat. Nor do I get Nick Yung to be my slave for a day. And neither do I get the Coach bag I wanted. Very good, very good. Thank you (Y)

Sarcasm aside, WHAT THE FUCK LAH SERIOUSLY. You do not know how many times I ran to the television shouting "mahai, don't know how to kick ball ah". Now I bloody owe Nick his protein shakes. And Boy A lost another 200 bucks. See, I was clever enough to ask him to support Germany (too bad he didn't listen to me) but too bad I wasn't clever enough to listen to myself. FAIL, ULTIMATE FAIL.

No no no, I'm not a sore loser. I was actually fine with not winning (I do not like to use the word losing) until he called me and said "sorry" in a very sarcastic tone, a tone that made me want to punch his kukujiao. Again, I shouted "mahai, *insert slew of profanities not fit to come out of a lady's mouth*". In case you don't know, we haven't had the chance to speak properly since he flew in from Paris five days ago and this was one of the first proper conversations we've had -.- very nice, very nice.

Instead of talking to me, he'd rather watch more football and eat kerang. I'm betting with Nick again on the 2.30 Spain vs Paraguay match, and if Spain scores at least two goals, I won't need to give him his protein shakes. Wish me luck *crosses fingers* ~~I'm actually bankrupt already~~.

Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to sit in a corner and curse in Hokkien.

How would you feel if I did that to you.

2010-07-01T17:20:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, just because I refuse to put you in your place and tell you what's wrong, it does not mean that I'm crazy and get mad at you for no reason. Sometimes I'm just a little too tired to argue with you. You say sorry once, spring back almost instantly, then call me unreasonable when I bring it up again. If it's going to be like that then why don't I just cheat on you, say sorry, then call you unreasonable for not letting the past go?

I understand that it's not your fault, neither mine that you perpetually never have time for me. Having said that, I still have to put up with it like it's my problem. Is it really that difficult for you to treat me a little bit better to make up for it? If you're going to make me wait for whatever reason it is, at least make it worthwhile.

I'm sick, I'm tired, I haven't talked to you in six days, I have so many things on my mind, my nephew puked, I'm breaking down.. I call you hoping to find refuge from everything, and I get shouted at ; in fact the loudest that you have ever shouted at me..

Sometimes I just know why I'm hanging on..

I tell you people first ah, other than being severely depressed I am also suffering from Female Problems so whatever and whoever I scold on Formspring will be magnified ten times worse. I warn you already. I also have a very superhuman urge to go around smacking people. You have been warned. Twice.

2010-06-29T21:17:00.000+08:00

Boy boy's back! :) and he's so so so so so cute I cannot tahan.. since he got back I've had an extraordinary amount of bite and grab marks on my boobs (mmm), and I've had so many extra hugs lately that I have lost count. Not only that, I love how he smiles and licks his lips everytime he sees me. And thanks to him, there is someone who appreciates me and actually drools over me (though I don't think that has much to do with my appearance since my hair looks like ape shit - more on that later).

My nephew Marc ;) who else do you think I'd alow to touch my boobies? (Besides, I haven't heard from the 'big baby' in three days and am on the fence on whether to be irritated or worried.)

Hey readers :) or at least what's left of you people la. I must be the most annoying blogger in the world ; I promise to update more often, then I end up disappearing for awhile and then I reappear with tons of excuses in hand and then I disappear again. In between running around taking care of Marc and doing all my rubbish, I haven't had the time to sit down and update properly. Ever since he and my sister got back on Saturday, I've been busy carrying him and making stupid faces all in the name of getting a little smile.

+ my sister keeps whipping out her boobies in public to feed him and on the other hand, I don't know where on earth to look.

And here's the heinous haircut I was talking about, just in case you haven't laughed at me enough in school.

This is me in a baby room :D first time!

Sigh ; my new 'Cleopatra' haircut -.- Munshen and Bryan can't even come near me without laughing out loud.

Dear Chim Kai Wen,

First off, I'm incredibly sorry for 'spittin' on your hand today. I would also like to apologise for 'deafening' you in one ear and for sitting on Leon just now (no I didn't tell you in class, but he was actually wedged in between my butt cheeks at one point). I am disgusting and too loud and I'm sorry :P

2010-06-28T21:15:00.002+08:00

I'll update tomorrow. Really really sorry :( I want to blog but I'm up to my neck in work. Tell you why tomorrow. Promise.

Green eyed monster speaking.

2010-06-25T23:32:00.002+08:00

I know I usually get jealous of other girls but this time it's my non-boyfriend. While I'm slogging my miserable ass off in school and literally dying of heat and sticky xiao long bao butt cheeks, the feller's in London watching Les Miserables and some other Broadway show (sorry, I was only interested in Les Mis) and shopping his arse off on sodding Oxford Street. Before that he was shopping his other butt cheek off in Paris.

I'VE always wanted to go to Paris. And I'VE always wanted to watch a Broadway production. I'VE always wanted to go shopping in London. What the bagel is this?

Why my life so unglam one? :'( he's there and I'm here singing Les Mis songs on Youtube. FAIL.

This is HIM in Paris ; where his mind (and his feet) are actually planted firmly on the ground there.

This is ME in Paris ; where my friggin neon light has gone bust from me dreaming too much about it. but the building's pretty though. sigh, buat mimpilah..

BOLLOCKS.

; if I didn't love him so much, I'd be mad. if he knows what's good for him he'll come straight home and sing to me.

forGIVE TO forGET.

2010-06-25T21:37:00.000+08:00

Dear Yungjehoe,

If you could see the sad look on my face from missing you, you'd be hopping on the first plane back to malaysia to see me now.

Hello readers :)

Firstly, I want to say something about Michael Jackson since today commemorates a year since he's passed. When I heard it on the radio this morning was that time really does fly, it seems like only yesterday that he died out of nowhere. Oh and of course I felt sad la. I'd really like to tell him to rest in peace but I'm going to assume that it isn't that easy seeing as everyone's suddenly fighting over his money and all. Anyway, Happy Erm.. One Year since you've passed, Michael.

Today, I :
-had lunch.
-repierced my tragus.
-got a new haircut.

I had my sodding lunch at five o clock, and it consisted of a half eaten pau. Ew.

The heavily tattooed noob didn't mark the dot on my ear properly and I was so busy covering my face in anticipation of the pain that I didn't even notice anything until it was done. The idiot only thought to give me a mirror AFTER he pierced it -.-

Got my haircut at The Cut Studio @ I don't know where. Sorry, I have poor memory of names and yes I always have problems explaining my whereabouts. Since my usual handsomeboy wasn't there, this old ahma woman cut my hair today. This woman also another one, instead of bothering to ask me how I wanted MY hair, the hair on MY head, to be, she was more focused on what my mother had to say about some obselete hollywood actress and the half past six instuructions she kept issuing.

In case you're slow, I had a pretty bad day.

but I got plenty of fooooooooood for my stash!...

which will contribute negatively to the weight I're trying to lose.

-.-

Nevermind, I'm still having a bad day. In case any of you feel as lousy as I do ;

be thankful ;

FOR YOUR GIRL ;

who says it's hot dogs tonight because she is home with you, and not out with someone else.

FOR YOUR BOY ;

who is on the sofa being a couch potato, because he is home with you and not out at the bar.

FOR YOUR TEENAGER ;

who is complaining about doing dishes because it means she's at home and not on the streets.

FOR THE TAXES YOU PAY ;

because it means tht you are employed.

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY ;

because it means you have been surrounded by friends and had fun.

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG ;

because it means that you had enough to eat.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES YOU WORK ;

because it means that you are out in the sunshine and not living chained in somebody's basement.

FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING, WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING, AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING ;

because it means you have a home.

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING YOU HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT ;

because it means you have freedom of speech.

FOR THE PARKING SPOT YOU FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT ;

because it means you are capable of walking and have been blessed with transportation.

FOR YOUR HUGE CREDIT CARD BILL ;

because it means you have assets.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND YOU IN CHURCH WHO SINGS OFF KEY ;

because it means you can hear.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING ;

because it means you have clothes to wear.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES AT THE END OF THE DAY ;

because it means that you are capable of working hard.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS ;

BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT YOU ARE ALIVE.

Oh and look what I found when I was stalking everyone in the yearbook? :D

The dungu looking girl in the middle ;

- MY BESTFRIEND TODAY.

The ah gua looking taufu beside the teacher ;

- My favourite noob from next door.

The Ah Ma in the middle ;

My Ah Ma today :)

and lol look @ Charl Yee.

The small boy ; the girl with the "I care ah" face ;

My everything and I :)

Hahahahhahaha will you look at my face? No, just look at it, seriously! And my legs! And my hair! It's like some car hit me and I couldn't be bothered. Yes, dear readers. I looked like that when I first met Nick so I hereby conclude that you can deduce that Nick was either blind, or that in love with me ;) *resumes old lady laughter*

when I look on you a moment,

then can I speak no more,

but my tongue falls silent, and at once

a delicate flame courses under my skin,

and with my eyes I see nothing,

and my ears hum,

and a wet sweat bathes me,

and a trembling seizes me all over

You have no right to say a single word about me, my choices, or my past. Cause you weren't there. You didn't get your heart broken. You didn't watch him bounce right back.

My heart aches completely every hour, every day, and only when I am with you does the pain go away.

- moulin rouge.

Chances are I'll never get a moment like this again, so here's everything I ever wanted to tell you. no one has ever gotten me like you; I've never found anyone who makes me laugh like you. you're the one person who I can honestly see myself happy with; the definition of love to me is you.

I know we're good together.

You're the only person I can be myself with, even if I don't know who

the hell that is.

Corey: Why didn't you call her?

Shawn: Because i don't know what to say to her.

Corey: How about "hello"?

Shawn: But it would come out "hey i want to have your babies."

Being with all the girls in the world doesn't make you a man,

but making one girl feel like she is the world...

well, that does.

Love, Lok :)

2010-06-21T21:20:00.000+08:00

I FEEL SO UNINSPIRED.

I can't think of anything other than bagels. And btw, I'm sorry if you kena ignored by me on MSN, I don't feel like talking to anyone. + I'm too lazy to go on Formspring. I only answered Bren's question because that was pretty much the one entry that I knew the answer to ;)

Alice in Hungerland.

2010-06-21T20:51:00.000+08:00

Every single holiday, I never fail to tell myself 'it's time for a change.you are going to take this opportunity to exercise your butt off (pun not intended, my ass is already flat enough as it is) and you are going to end the holiday fifty pounds lighter (a wee bit overambitious but what to do)' then I find myself lying on the couch telling myself 'tomorrow lah'. Honestly speaking though, I only think I'm fat on my fat days. Which are days ending with -day. Kidding lah, most of the time I just deal with being big-boned and meaty and just shut up about it. I kinda like it this way. At least I'm sufficiently and reasonably happy, at least I eat whatever I want without feeling much guilt.

For example, sometimes when I go out with friends and as the already thin weight concious ones peruse the menu unable to decide which sin to commit, I order whatever I want. It's not that I don't care about my weight, I do. But I'm just not as kiasu, ya know? And hello, have you guys checked out thinspo? I get what it is and all, using other girls as inspiration to get thinner so that you can be an inspiration to others (or something along the lines of that). I found something someone wrote on their blog the other day ;

You fucking fat bitch I can't stand to see your face in the fucking mirror. Your a disgrace and you should either get thin or die because you don't deserve to live your fat and lonely existence. Nobody's ever going to love you unless you lose weight. You fucking fat bitch.

but don'tcha think that's a little extreme?

I don't know which idiot created the mold of which girls have to grow into in order to be so called thin, but I am happy with the way I am (when I'm not complaining). Not that I'm saying that thin girls can't have boobs, but admit it, more often than not those girls get accused of having plastic surgery. And at the very least, I have some form of boobs and don't have to resort to wearing push-up bras. No offence to those who do of course. But seriously speaking, don't you think it'll be sad if your boyfriend takes it off and instead of getting the Mount Everest you advertised, he gets a Mount Kinabalu instead? Not that I'm insulting our Mount Kinabalu, it is sufficiently large as well.

Hello :) hahaha I think I just contradicted myself about a hundred times. I guess the entire point of my long and winding introduction (yes, it was just an introduction, I've been talking non stop since I got home) was to tell you that I'm having a fat day and I was merely deluding myself. I have been avoiding any form of reflective surfaces and limiting myself to three potato chips (I've already had about five) in my bid to feel a little lighter (it doesn't work).

Hello hello hello hello. Scratch the 'o' and u have my current location. I've had a really long day at school. Not only did I have to cut my short holiday short and wake up SIX sodding hours earlier than I normally do, I had to go to school and endure the agony of getting our papers back. On some accounts I bow down to God that I didn't fail especially since the stupid school raised the passing mark to fifty. On the other hand I want to tie some of my teachers to chairs, put a bin over their head, and poke them with toothpicks.

Teacher, you totalled it up wrongly. I'm supposed to get 19.

Haaa? Two marks extra only what.. won't make a difference. Nevermind, I'll look through your paper and see what I can cut off marks from.

LIKE WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?

And she was bloody serious until i started raising my voice a bit. Just in case you're wondering, I did get my sodding two marks in the end. I am not satisfied with my English marks because not only did that Macy woman mark everyone's papers in PENCIL, she was overly lenient to some and extra strict to others.

LAO NIANG IS HAPPY TO REPORT THAT SHE DIDN'T FAIL PHYSICS AND BIOLOGY :')

Bloody big surprise it is ; I feel like making a speech but I shall spare you.

And then I completely forgot what else I was supposed to tell you.

Sigh, I feel so uninspired lately.

Dear boy,

I miss you so bad.. but you're here ;

if I could

you right now? (I meant ..nice if I could hug you. Not ... nice if I could Johnny Depp you)

Okay I'm running out of appropriate pictures and I've just begun to noticed how lame I'm being. I'll go now :P

Love ; XX :)

2010-06-19T23:32:00.000+08:00

Hello :) had a great day ytd but I'm not allowed to talk about it so aiyah *change topic change topic*

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT'S SATURDAY ALREADY?

As in THE Saturday before Sunday that comes before Monday. And that is the Monday that we have to go back to school. Curse you collegiates with five weeks of holiday. Where is the justice in that? :(

Talking rubbish today.

2010-06-18T00:09:00.000+08:00

N ; We should play strip poker one day.

L ; I don't know how to play poker.

N ; Phwoah, all the better then ;)

```

I'm annoyed. Long rant, skip this part.

Why won't you let me read your blog?

Do you really want to know exactly what a bad parent you are?

I didn't have that conversation, a friend did. But I may as well have said the same thing. I seriously don't know how much longer I can take this. I am not even kidding when I say that I feel like the only conversations we ever have anymore are of her nagging me. And the worst thing is I can't call Nick to complain about it because he's halfway across the world wearing quilts and playing bagpipes. All that pent up frustration, one day I'm going to explode. Unfortunately, my mother and I don't exactly have the kind of relationship to brag about. We're not that close and she isn't my best friend and I see no reason to lie about it.

What annoys me is that she thinks it's okay to start nagging me the minute I wake up. Imagine starting out your day like that. She also nags me throughout my meals. About every. single. fucking. thing I do. You tell me I lose my apetite or not? She then continues until I go to bed. And honestly, the way she chooses to say it sometimes makes me want to curl up in a ball and roll around the room. Every single day I feel like I'm just going through the motions until she starts nagging me again. I want to take her nagging, smash it up and throw it to Timbuktu.

See this is why I hate staying home. The very day that I stop going out my mother starts nagging me incessantly and critisizing my choice of clothes. Apparently my boobs were spilling out of my blue dress. And my shirts are too tight and my tits are very prominent wor. So what now, am I supposed to wear potato sacks? The worst thing is, she nags me over and over again about the exact same thing in a different sentence order. When I tell her I get it, she starts telling me how I never listen to her. When I argue she puts her hands up in her self righteous manner and says 'enough'. You tell me I can die or not?

Last night, I swallowed four Kbars because I missed you. No really, I ate them because I missed you.

and it got me thinking. if twelve days without you would cause me such gluttony, what would happen if you really went to the land of the dutch for uni? it would mean an entire continent seperating us. why does this unhinge me so much? you know what they say about distance being nothing. does this mean i don't really love love you? of course, i bask in the fact that you exist on this earth, you're mine. and besides it should mean something though. not being able to hold you, having to wait what would feel like forever just to get to you, the loneliness. what does this all mean?

If worrying were an Olympic sport, I'd get the gold for sure

us in the car ; singing eenie meenie miny moe together, you staring at me when i start dancing to california girls, me changing the channel when they play that 'sexy is my name' song, you changing it back in your bid to cinvince me that it isn't that bad, me tahanning the song for your sake, you tolerating me when i deafen you when a song i like comes on, us singing particular meaningful lines louder to each other, my boobs accidentally switching the channels at godlike speed when i lean over to kiss you at traffic lights, me, you.

2010-06-16T23:48:00.000+08:00

hey, just remember that wherever in this world i may be, my heart is always with you. my mom isn't being very nice either but i dont care cause i know id soon see you and be able to hold you again. i love love love you.

Everything that I missed out.

2010-06-16T01:31:00.000+08:00

WEDNESDAY ; when I was as sick as a motherfucker and couldn't even move my ass to the toilet to throw up properly. and yet i still had the energy to camwhore.

THURSDAY ; miraculously got a lil bit better so Nick came to fetch me since I was Goddamned tired of lying around in the house.

@ One Utama New York New York

the boys were playing Chubby Bunny and stuffing their cheeks with marshmallows. imagine the waitresses face when i asked for more.

Shah.

*shakes head*

Timothy.

You know, when his cheeks aren't that bloated he actually does look a bit like TaeYang.

FRIDAY ; went paktor-ing in Pyramid :)

Funny thing, I actually snapped this picture when he was busy being mad at me and it came out looking like he was having an ogasmn. Sorry, he made me promise to censor his face :(

SATURDAY ; rock climbing @ Camp 5.

Muka baru bangun. I know I look like chicken shit even photoshop cannot save me.

SUNDAY ; went for Cempaka's Box Office Production Beauty and the Beast with Allybelly&herfam, Yungyung, Kai, rai and Shannen :)

MONDAY ; spent the day together with Nick.

@ Secret Recipe while waiting for him to inflate his muscles at the gym.

while he was exercising in the gym, I was forking fats down my throat.

and more fats.

and I wanted this too, but too bad someone already bought it the day before

On the way to Empire Mall.

His very fragile thousand over dollar specs. I takut sentuh pun.

Back at home (:

Dinner.

♥♥♥

MONDAY ; grocery shopping, siberian husky, cheating cake and ramen.

2010-06-15T21:14:00.000+08:00

Spent today with Nick AGAIN.

LIKE I CARE THAT YOU'RE TIRED OF SEEING HIS NAME ON MY BLOG LA.

Initially planned to do my nails in Taipan while waiting for him to inflate his muscles at the gym but one was closed and the other one was full so I ended up at Secret Recipe with two cakes and several magazines. Yep, while he was working hard to burn his non existent fats, I was willingly piling them on me *tsk tsk shakes head*

An hour later, we found ourselves at MPSJ paying his freshly acquired saman because he forgot to pay for parking. Thank you Mr Policeman, for samanning his "MATALICK" Mercedes and setting him back forty dollars and fifteen minutes. Lan jiao mou. After going back to his place to change, we went to Empire Shopping Gallery :) their theme song is really misleading. It gave me the impression that it was a huge happenning shopping gallery. It's pretty much really empty and doesn't have many shops to speak of except for Ed Hardy (DROOL).

Went to the pet shop and squealed at all the puppies and squirrels. Actually, I squealed. Hi just provided his hand for me to pinch. We saw this really cute fat little two month old Siberian Husky and fell in love instantly :) we've always dreamed of getting a husky when we start living together. Sort of our little promise to each other..

Went grocery shopping and one hundred and seventeen dollars worth of candy, junk food and instant noodles later, we went back to his place and had lunch then started baking.

FINE LAH, I ADMIT LA. WE HE BAKED WHILE I STOOD AROUND TAKING PICTURES AND ACTING CUTE. which I failed at miserably, btw. But OUR cake was good, seriously! :)

"eh, the feller never explode very good already lah".

Watched football with his friend Andrew then went up to sleep for awhile before we had dinner. I loved today I tell you, breakfast cheesecakes, lunch maggi mee, dinner instant korean ramen. NIRVANAAAAAAAAAA TO THE MAXIMUM.

Somehow even ramen tastes better with him around ♥

I'm going to Europe, France, and pretty much around the UK lah.

France? I thought France was in Paris..
Baby... Paris is in France.

Yeah, yeah, I figured that out. Then why are you going?

Baby, France is in Europe.

Oh.

One day I'm going to regret sharing all my blonde moments with you. I sound immensely dumb.

SUNDAY ; heart attacks, Elina's place, CBOP Beauty and the Beast.

2010-06-15T20:56:00.001+08:00

I HAD TWO MINI HEART ATTACKS TODAY.

Like the feller who keeps reminding me on Formspring, Nick can come off a bit arrogant at first sight. But I really am happy with him, and if I like him so much he has to have some redeeming qualities kan? And that's because I gave him a chance, and I got to know him better. See the thing most people don't realise is that their first judgements about someone may not be right. Another thing about first judgements is that they pretty much stick. I know it isn't a big deal but of course la I'd be nervous the first time I introduce him to my dad. The same man who promised to skin me alive and boil me in hot water if I got a boyfriend before I got into college.

Nick drove to my house this morning to hitch a ride to the bestfriend's house since he didn't know how to get there. He was supposed to arrive, jump in car, gau tim. But somehow there he was, sitting in my living room like an awkward giant drinking my mother's tong sui from my Pooh bear cup while watching the F1 with my dad.

Mom interrogated Nick all the way to her house until I bought him egg tarts so he couldn't answer her anymore. In case you didn't know, my bestfriend has hated my UNOFFICIALboyfriend ever since the whole hellish drama he created when he was in the phase where he was a complete dick and hurt the girl who loves him the mostestest in the world (me, just in case you didn't figure that out). But he's better now, and we are all moving on toward a brighter future. Change topic change topic.

Believe it or not I was more anxious about him meeting Allybelly than him meeting my dad. The same Allybelly who helped me pray that he'd roll down a mountain in Germany when he broke my heart. She was initially understandably ignoring him in the beginning, but they eventually started talking to each other after a while and later bonded over wrestling videos, Alejandro and wedding plans :)

Got ready at seven, took a billion pictures (well, me la. the other two just made faces at me) and left for Cempaka Cheras for the Beauty and The Beast box office production. Collected CHIMpanzee, Raihana and ShannenSmallgirl who also came to watch.

SATURDAY ; rock climbing, sakae sushi and deodorant.

2010-06-15T20:53:00.001+08:00

HARO :) ish me again.

Wanna know what I initially planned to have for brunch ytd?

House Of Waffles

AND Three pieces of raw fish (I regularly have pregnant lady cravings in tiny portions only)

AND Nandos

AND Frosties

AND Salami

Went rock climbing with the UnofficialBoyfriend yesterday @ Camp5 :) see what a good UnofficialGirlfriend lao niang is la, I still brought him despite the fact that I got up at 5 am and threw up for absofuckinglutely no reason at all. I AM NOT PREGNANT DON'T GET IDEAS.

Anyway scrap all that, sat in the corner like a dungu and daydreamed about food while watching him climb and swear at the rocks for a few hours. Was planning to go to Paddington's House Of Pancakes to pig out because I had more cravings after that but instead we headed to Sakae Sushi to tapau food home since he was on the verge of collapsing and sleeping on every surface he could find.

Finally got back to his place after sitting through the AfterWorkJam and KO-ed until 12 before he fetched me back.

That night, I slept like a baby and even dreamt that :

Nick asked me why I smelled like him

"because I stole your deodorant just now"

when he gave me his WHATTHEFUCK stare I said

"no, don't worry. I didn't roll your deodorant roller ball in my female armpits la, I used my fingers and then I wiped it on my armpits".

OH GOD THE ODD THINGS I DREAM ABOUT.

At that precise moment, Elina called to ask where the fuck I was. Makeupping, bathing, trying on a bajillion outfits took an hour too long but I'm finally at her place with Nick :)

TTYL! :)

Again, sorry for the picture-less posts. Been out practically the whole day and I don't have the energy to upload anything, let alone turn on the computer.

FRIDAY ; Pyramid, Honeymoon, and babisleep.

2010-06-12T10:41:00.001+08:00

Hello :) I keluar-ed berdating-dating with Nick today.

I tell you, this morning that boy gave me a major heart attack so bad I swear I actually thought of running to his house. On foot. The night before he was angry with someone and kept muttering to himself in the car. Something about not seeing him again the next day. Okay la, I admit the details are quite vague because I was half listening and half sleeping. But seriously la, if someone said that to you you'd get scared too! And he wasn't even drunk!

Fast forward eight hours later I got ready and blogged while I waited (so technically the update was thanks to him). Half an hour later I called him about ELEVEN times and getting no answer, I panicked. Calling his house was out of the question since all my numbers were in my phone and my phone was with him since his battery kong-ed. I ran arnd like a mad chicken panicking over his ass until I decided to try calling him again after he was an hour and a half late to picking me up.

Guess what, the feller was sleeping. And he totally FORGOT. And he didn't know how to unsilent my phone. (what garbage! it's an obselete orang tua phone, who doesn't know how to operate an orang tua nokia??) And here I am, telling you rubbish details that are so minute that it could be kicked out of Lilliput for being too small.

Went back to his place to sleep for awhile then headed to Pyramid. I tell you, I'm officially so bored of it that I feel jelak even thinking about it. Today alone, we rounded the mall about three times. THREE. And I know where almost everything is.

Sorry my posts are so lacklustre nowadays :/ can't find the time to edit everything. BEAR WITH ME, READERS. I AM BUSY GOING OUT AND LIVING MY LIFE SO THAT I HAVE STUFF TO BLOG ABOUT.

THURSDAY ; many malls, NewyorkNewYork, the wrong movie.

2010-06-11T08:55:00.002+08:00

Hello :)

Was down with some unknown sickness for two whole bloody days. That was two whole days of not eating anything whatsoever *YESSSS FREE WEIGHT LOSS*, sitting in front of the tv like a stationary object *DOUBLE YAAY LAZIEST PERSON ON EARTH*, and several attempts to puke my fucking guts out *DIE*. See, I have a thing about puking. I cringe at the mere mention of puke, and I threaten to run far far away whenever anyone remotely even coughs too hard. It's psychological. I'm psychotic. So yeah, I couldn't even run away from myself so I spent the time debating whether to throw up or not. Yes, the things I talk to myself about..

Went out with Nick ytd because I was feeling a bit better and just needed to get out of the house. Was planning to go to Pyramid to spend the day together but then we had to pick his friend Sha (yes, another one) up to go to OneU to pick up a carton of tuna. Halfway through, he got a call from his other friend Timothy who was at Pyramid and so we gostan-ned balik and went to Pyramid for half an hour to pick him up.

GUESS WHAT MOTHERFUCKERS , SECRETRECIPE DID NOT ABOLISH MY ORGASM CAKE .

*happy dances in a field of daisies*

Oh God the apple I tell you, it literally made me close my eyes and go to a better place. My only complaint was that the cheese tasted like prawns -.- REALLY ONE. And er, I left the other half in Nick's car because I was being a scrooge and saving it for later but I forgot about it. You know how Chinese people like buying things and stashing it under the pretense of saving it? YEAH. Okay fine la, not all Chinese people. Just the really really Chinese-y ones.

When we finally got going, we somehow we ended up lengong-ing the Curve area before we finally reached OneU. Had NewYork, NewYork for lunch where the boys threatened to order half the menu. Oh btw, the waiter still remembers me from my birthday! :) (In case you don't follow my blog like a stalker ; my friends brought me there for my birthday and we fully utilised our customer status and shamelessly made them run up and down, take pictures for us, give us extra lychee and asked them about their Armani belts) DEFFO going back again lmao. Because my mother is such a spoilsport, we had to change our plans, and that is how we landed up back in Pyramid AGAIN.

I swear I have never been in and out of malls like this in my life. Funny thing, I was in the cinema in the beginning of the movie contemplating whether to make myself sound like a fool and ask Nick if the man on the screen was Jackie Chan because I couldn't see anything and I THOUGHT WE WERE WATCHING THE KARATE KID until I gave in and took out my old-man glasses and realised in all my glory that we were watching the A-Team (Y)

Anyway, boy fetched me home a few minutes before my twelve o'clock curfew (I feel so miserable just typing that) andden I KO-ed :) seven hours later, here I am, going out again.

TTYL ;)

2010-06-07T23:30:00.001+08:00

HEY!! :D

OHMYLORD, my poor fish died today. Nolah, I don't even know the fish but still, I do feel sad. See, that's the problem with us humans. We only start regretting when something happens *shakes head*

ANYWAY, I'M STILL ALIVE , DON'T WORRY !

Hahahah when I typed that I pictured my readers (yes, you) saying "I know you didn't die la, you're just the laziest person alive" :P

Sorry naik lorry that I haven't been blogging. I've been out since Friday. Well actually I have been blogging la, I just didn't post it up online because I couldn't be arsed to come online and talk to anyone. But here's FOUR posts to make up for neglecting poor Confucius.

You matter the world to me and more. One of my greatest joys (other than daydreaming about Christian Louboutins being delivered to my doorstep by a stork) has come from being with you, and watching you do that thing with your hands unaware that I'm watching you. (dear reader, it's okay if you don't know what thing I'm talking about, I'd be mad if you knew). As long as I'm with you, I don't even have to bathe anymore becuase you claim that you love me even when I'm smelly and drenched in so much sweat that you could cuci baju. I will no longer have to exercise, because you claim you love me and my love handles. I won't ever be afraid of lizards and cockroaches (bless all of God's creations, but I just cannot stand the rotten sight of them), because you say that you are a macho man and will help me ward of those evil animals. I will never need to hire bodyguards because your petai muscles will serve as a warning and scare orang jahat away. I will no longer find the need to learn how to cook, because you have promised to cook for me since you are afraid of what poison I might come up with if I'm allowed to cook. I no longer have to be alone, because you told me you'd stay by my side no matter what.

PS. I LOVE YOU.

2010-06-07T23:21:00.000+08:00

Monday

Hello :) this is going to be a long post because I need to rant. Skip to the previous post if you cannot tahan the sight of words bunched up together.

Day Number ONE of much needed holiday.

I'm beginning to enjoy it already. Slept like a babi and woke up only becuase my face was buried in the pillow and I couldn't breathe. Oh and I had fun bathing :D while eating potato chips. I have this theory that as long as there is potato chips in this world, we will be alright. Even as I'm tryping this, I am munching on potato chips. Sour cream and onion, hot and spicy.. drool.. My perfect pack of potato chips would come in a quad, with four different flavours in a pack. And the pack would not be half filled with air.

Spent the day watching PS I LOVE YOU. Twice. That would be my sixteenth time watching it. My crying record for this movie : sixteen.

It's scary when you love someone so much. So much that no matter what happens he's still the very first and most prominent part of your life, of your mind, your thoughts. So much that eventhough he becomes an ass and makes stupid decisions that hurt you, you still can't hate him. What if that person suddenly leaves you one day?.. What do you do when you know that you're never going to get that one person whom you love so much back no matter what? What are you going to say when all you're left with is the knowledge that you'll never hear him telling you he loves you ever again?

Here's a thought, a few things I've picked up along the course of the past two days. Mind you, all these thoughts stem from my friends and their mega dysfunctional problems.

If you don't love the one you're with, let him go. Let him find his happiness and eventually, you will find yours. Do not settle for second best because that's just going to get in the way of you finding someone that would make you truly happy. You only have so long in this life, why waste it with someone you're just better off being friends with? I mean comeee onnn. Why do you compromise for someone you literally hate and have close to no idea what to say to when you know that the break up is inevitable?

If you do love him, appreciate him, and appreciate everyday you have with him. Hey, you never know when you gotta go. Lately I've been doing this rubbish therapy thing where I imagine what life would be like without the people I love, and I have a good cry. It is good for you, I swear. But yet it's still rubbish. Don't listen to me. I'm flippin mad. One more thing, try not to expect anything. That way, even him sitting next to you and watching you pick your boogers without saying a word is a reason on its own to appreciate and love him.

And for God's sake. It's undeniable that looks matter. I myself wouldn't date an unkempt boy with a receding hairline, paunch belly and five million other flaws (I'd accept only as much as two million). But don't be with someone just because of their looks (unless it's a three month thing la. that way they'd just make you look good for awhile, yay you) because one day, that's all going to go away. We're all going to lose our hair (but then again there's Yun Nam hair care) and look like Godzilla.

CARMEN'S BIRTHDAY.

2010-06-07T23:17:00.000+08:00

Sunday

(y)

That, is a mini chicken. My bestfriend Kaiwen chose to eat the poor little chicken which probably wouldn't even have been enough to fill her lubang gigi. Kahming, full of compassion, sticks a chopstick up its arse.

period, period, period.

Kah Ming is under the impression that our period shoots out like waterfalls from our vajayjays.

Like OPEN, waterfall, change pad, close, OPEN, waterfall, change pad, close.

Today alone, I have been to Cotton On and Forever 21 so many times that I remember where all the clothes are placed. I went to CottonOn four times because Carmen couldn't decide on whether she wanted a dress or not, and another four times to Forever 21 because I am admittedly addicted to trying on clothes and not buying anything.

Had dinner @ Shogun. Okay, Shogun. I conclude that I officially don't like the place. The food was so-so and I just feel like the standard has dropped tremendously since I last went. Instead of pouring their heart and soul into frying awesome sampai-tidak-terbatas noodles for you, the cooks prefer to smirk and wink at you and yabber at each other in some foreign language. And plus can you imagine, one adult entry costs 50 bucks. Our table of twenty would earn them a whopping one thousand dollars. Not worth it not worth it not worth it.

CARMEN :) early-birthday girl.

Yuhung and Kai, who was also kinda "coincidentally" red :) and in a CottonOn cardigan.

BRYAN ONG KACAU.

Kai and half of Yuhung's big face. See, this is why people don't camwhore with me. I only focus on my own face ;)

XueLin and Carmen ;)

Walked around and went to Forever21 AGAIN with Kai Wen for awhile after dinner, then met up with Nick:) who was coincidentally in red too! and had just come back from Penang. I spent five minutes telling him how un-KL-ish he smelled. I SWEAR KL PEOPLE SMELL DIFFERENT. We smell.. KL-ey. Like this KL kinda scent, you know what I'm saying?

Why am I talking like a black man.

Had JuiceWorks with Nick until mom offered to fetch Nick back because she claims that taxi drivers are evil and was so scared that ~~they'd rape him~~ ~~backdoor~~ him concerned for his safety. This paranoia comes from that taxi man who raped / had sex with six different girls (sorry la, go read the newspaper. i don't know exactly what i'm talking about)

:) it's 12 and I have to bathe again. Goodnight machas. Hope you had a great day too.

2010-06-07T22:52:00.000+08:00

Saturday

Slept in til 4 in the afternoon then went to Parkson @ Plaza OUG for a manicure while mom and pops went shopping. In case you're wondering, it's on Old Klang Road. I think. You know, come to think of it I don't even know where or what it's called exactly. Seriously, the place I'm staying literally has about five different names. It's funny though when I try to tell taxi drivers where to drive me. I usually have to try all five different names.

I cannot stand it when my parents go shopping together.

My mom and dad often go in different directions and end up getting lost. Both of them.
On the rare occasion that they do stick together, they bicker. About buttons, can you imagine??
They bicker quite loudly. And they say "embarrassing things" like.. you know la.. ahem. that they think I don't understand. It shames me to stand so close -.-
They often take a whole hour to decide on whether to splurge on a pair of pants or not. Well, my dad does. My mom just confuses him by telling him to buy everything. In all the different colours they come in.

That's how it goes in my family. Dad earns, mom spends. Dad complains, mom spends more.

I removed my thirty five dollar manicure forty five minutes after reaching home because I couldn't stand the colour.

(Y)

That's not my hand. I googled the colour.

Other pictures I missed out ;

Just so you know, I can't eat dark chocolate. Or anything with cocoa. Bloody allergies. It makes me.. throw up. Which is another thing I'm allergic to. V_ _ _ _ - the chivalrous equivalent of the word puke. Please don't say it in front of me or I will become hysterical.

YOU. ARE. FACING. THE. WRONG. WAY.

Humping astronauts :D yes, this is pretty much all I learn.

Friday

2010-06-07T21:12:00.000+08:00

EXAMS ENDED TODAY :D

And yet my enthusiasm for spending the day out was overshadowed by the fact that I was too tired to even enjoy it. I had two bloody math papers that I didn't even know how to begin to do. Anyway, forget all that.

@ Forever21

@ The cinema.

watched The Killers , and I managed to figure out the plot half an hour through the movie .

And people wonder why I call her Chimpanzee.

Walking down the stairs also want to take picture -.-

@ MPH.

I have this habit of opening the exact same book in the exact same section everytime I go to any bookstore, just to read his name over and over again. It makes me strangely happy. I think I am turning into a stalker.

@ Itallianies.

Once again, I forgot to take a picture of the food before we vaccuumed it -.-

Got home at eleven and went out again with Melayu under the pretense of watching football at the mamak with friends. Well technically we did go to the mamak with his friends so I didn't lie. Fell asleep on his friend's couch because they were drinking and I didn't want them to drive me home in case the kereta terbabas and I die. Sneaked in at 6 am and managed to avoid getting chopped up by the parents.

I just don't want to lose him,

2010-05-31T20:39:00.000+08:00

... then again it's hard to lose something you never had to begin with.

Goddamnit, I despise Addmaths to the core.

MO'FO MO'FO MO'FO.

Why so serious? I mean hello, I got a wedgie just looking at the paper. Cannot give small clue meh? I sat there, blur like sotong only trying to figure out what balls they wanted from me. I beh tahan already la okay.

And throughout the whole exam all I could hear was Shi Wei constantly heaving like a cow in labour -.-

Wait what do I have tomorrow?......

PHYSICS AH? *dies*

Nevermind, I know I can do it. Nicholas Yung Je Hoe believes in me :) and for that reason alone, he is the beez neez.

Tell me you love me.

2010-05-30T15:43:00.000+08:00

Chester Me

Nola, I have my problems ma..

What?

My private problems la..

You got erectile dysfunction ah?

What is that?

ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION.

Don't use all these scientific names on me. I know you want to laugh at me. What is that.

WTF, you know the condition when your dingdong can't go up and work?

What? I can go out what. I don't have a problem with that.

*facepalm* YOUR GODDAMNED PENIS. CANNOT GO UP.

Oh! You mean when my *pennnis* can't go up and go hard?

YES.

Oh! No! Hahahhahahahaha.

Thank you Einstein.

What is that la, don't use all these scientific names on me.

*dies*

What?

You don't know who Einstein is?

The white hair guy? OH! Is it the one who made the lightbulb?

-.-

You know how I know that my exboyf knows that he loves me? :D ytd after he called me and I accidentally missed his call because I was talking to the cartoon above, and he called me back, I started singing "SORRY SORRY" (that annoying Korean song by SuJu with the funny dance move that looks like they're praying / washing their hands) and he said

I swear I will hang up if you sing that stupid song again.

But if you love me, you'll endure it! Don't you know how much I'd do for you?! How I'm willing to withstand all of hell to hold your hand?..(hahahhaha)

*CRICKET SILENCE* - he was probably giving me the -.- face

SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY NE NE NI BU BU FUDGE YOU FUDGE YOU FUDGE YOU BABY (sorry I don't know the lyrics) hello? helloo?? Are you still there?

See, through this simple act alone, him not hanging up, I know that he loves me :)

Not funny ah. Nevermind. Not funny then move on.

HAROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I am so chinese.

I have ultra sweaty armpits. And although I spent five entire minutes in front of my fan with my arms up like some madwoman trying to dry them, they were still sweating profusely. How I wish that instead of inventing useless things like homework and exams, they'd spend their time concocting something that could make me only grow hair in places that I want it to grow.

I haven't blogged in an entire week and when I finally do the first thing I start talking about is my armpits. Good for you, Loklysha, good for you. Anyway, sorry I haven't been online lately. I hope you missed me! I'm being forced against my will so study for my Mid Year Exams. Okay fine la, it's not like I spent much time studying anyway hahahaha :P

Did you know that when I came home last Thursday, I slept from 4.30 to 8.30. Then after dinner, I continued from 12 to 8 the next day and after a mega-satisfying bowl of maggimee, I went back to sleep until 12. And just when you think that I can not possibly sleep any more, I slept from 3 to 7. And then I continued at 12. ZOMAHGAWD. In the course of 48 hours, I managed to spend a whopping unexaggerated 24 or more hours sleeping (unless my maths sucks or something la). Whoa, like this half my life's going to be spent in hibernation la. Mcm babi sje.

Tsk tsk tsk. Speaking of exams. OH HELL I TELL YOU. Stupid, hellacious, koochiefart, idiotic, macheebye exams *grumbles* if I was in Australia I'd only have to go to war with you once a year. Hmph. How I hate flattening my derriere on a chair for two whole hours staring at questions I have no clur in hell how to begin to answer. Who im the world invented exams anyway?

I shall go Google this.

HA, damn a lot of different answers ranging from the devil to chinese people -.-

*changes topic*

So anyway, I have two Addmath papers tomorrow. And Chemistry, Physics, Accounts and Math along the week. CAN DIE. I barely know how to do Mathematics and you want me to do Additional Mathematics. Why do we even learn Addmath anyway?? The only logs I've seen people counting is on Dora The Explorer with the beaver.

Really, I am so Goddamned tired already. Yes, even after all those hours of sleep. I am not a camel. I do not store my sleep in my humps. In fact, I've pretty much forgotten how it feels to not be tired. I barely have any time to breathe and yet I'm so free. I study when it's time to sleep and I sleep when it's time to eat. And I eat when it's time to.. okay la, I still eat when it's time to. I love food too much. But really, I feel so disorientated.

DID YOU KNOW THAT SECRET RECIPE FRIGGIN DISCONTINUED MY GODDAMNEDED FAVOURITESTEST CAKE IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD?

I swear I love the cake so much that I have dubbed it my seven dollar orgasm cake. And my eyes literally went O.O when the cake lady told me that and I vaguely remember her taking a step back. This is how serious it is.

.. all I want is for us to go back to the way we used to be. when it felt like a free world with nothing attached. when our love was untouched and didn't require much effort. i'm not saying that i'm bored, how could i ever get bored of you. even after three years of going back and forth, i'm tired and i'm fragile, but i'm not bored. i don't crave the newness we once felt, i cherish the memories of it in my heart, and i know that after having that it's time to get past that and onto bigger things. i don't wish we didn't have fights, i bask in the fact that they make us somewhat stronger, that we argue so much and yet still go back to each other after that.

i don't hope for much anymore, i just hope you now know in your heart how much you mean to me, how much i'm wiling to swallow just to be with you, and know how much i was willing to give up for you. i don't hope for much.. i just want you to love me back.

YOU ARE MY ONLY EXCEPTION.

exam exam exam. go die lah.

2010-05-21T21:38:00.000+08:00

Hello dear readers :)

TODAY, I DID ONE OF THE NAUGHTIEST THINGS EVER.

So anyway, skip all that ;) I just figured out why I like chemistry the best among the three horrible sciences. Actually I figured it out a few days ago but I forgot to blog about it, not that that matters at all. Anyway, fast forward all the garbage. Remember how I once told you that I have self-prescribed Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? Yes, I am one of those crazy demented people who has to align all my pencils in a straight line. OR ELSE.

Yeah, you know how Korean food normally comes with a zillion side dishes? Well after every meal, I usually gather everyone's plates and stack them up together. I am not insane, it just gives me inner pleasure to see the plates and bowls fitting together.

Ah, yeah. Back to chemistry. I love love love how the elements work in the periodic table :) where the groups also signify the number of valence electrons and the period it's in tells you how many electron shells there are. (something like that la)

*HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY* ;D

but then again I have completely given up on Physics. I tell you, I open the book I can die. I really mean it when I say that I tembak-ed through my first exam -.-

So exams are starting tomorrow (I know right! My school's damn kiasu lah. Who has exams on Saturdays??), meaning that the next few upcoming blogposts will revolve around me complaining how badly I screwed all the papers up.

CHICKEN SHIT.

Oi, person-who-created-this-stupid-group, you got nothing else better to do ah? Oit, people-who-keep-joining-these-useless groups, you people got no exam ah? So free!

Sakit babi tau, perlu scroll down the page -.- lan jiao.

you are the only exception.

2010-05-19T21:17:00.000+08:00

she's 34C-32-36 (one genius' answer to another genius' question "what's your vital stats")

Heck, I didn't even know that. And hello, what kind of shit bra size is that ah -.-

would you ever get a boob job or do you think your big enough

No I would never get a boob job. Apparently they feel like crap. I guess I'm alright with the way I am now. Can grow bigger then grow la

do you own or would you consider buying a vibrator ?

No, I don't own a vibrator. And no I don't want one. It looks like a wriggly squiggly contraption.

Look at the whacked up people on formspring. Got noooothing else better to ask me I tell you.

Hello (: you know why I never blog ytd ah?

I WAS STUDYING! *clap clap clap clap clap* AND I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND CHEMISTRY!

(minus the empirical formula part la, that one tidak boleh diselamatkan lagi)

Eh, it really is a rare occurence when I do study, don't act like it's such a small deal la.

School was fun today :) please note that I only think school is fun when : there are no lessons / teachers are absent / i go mad. had moral (practically a free period), bm (almost fell asleep), sejarah (totally fell asleep), english (practically a free period, the woman doesn't ever teach properly), maths (I pretended to pay attention) and a period of physics (blacked out completely) before going to the hall to watch the auditions for speech day / concert something like that.

Came home, fell asleep and woke up with my leg on the wall, my mouth wide open with drool coming out, and all my pillows and soft toys all over the floor -.-

HOLEY MAMA. GREEN CURRY FOR DINNER. LOTS OF IT. I think my mardder is trying to make me fatter.

I had a lot of funny shit (really! funny one, not lame! really!) to tell you but I'm in transition into study mode right now so I'm going to blog even worse than I normally do. bear with me now la or else you'll have to deal with my swearing when I get my papers back. WTF.

Unfinished :(

2010-05-17T22:17:00.000+08:00

So this morning when I was drying myself in front of the fan in my underwear (yes, too much information i know. I've been like this all day!!) , I started thinking about how easy life used to be...

Lollipops turn into cigarretes. The innocent ones turn into sluts. Homework goes into the trash. Detention becomes suspension. Mobile phones are used in class. Soda becomes vodka. Bikes become cars. Kisses turn into sex. Remember when getting high meant swinging at the playground? When protection meant wearing a helmet? When the worst thing you could get from boys were cooties? Dad`s shoulders were the highest place on earth, & your mom was your hero? Race issues were who ran the fastest. The only drug you knew of was cough medicine. The most pain you felt was when you scraped your knees. Goodbyes were only until tomorrow. Back when we couldn`t even wait to grow up.

Remember when the coolest parties people had were planned by moms, hadsoft drinks and goodie bags, and the main attraction was always a guy dressed in a suit. These days though the coolest parties are where dads and moms aren`t there, soft drinks are spiked, you supply your own goodie bags, and the main attraction is still a guy... but this time he doesn`t dress in anything.

... back when I could ace my exams without even opening a book..

And then it hit me that exam season's here. AGAIN. WHATTHEFUCK. DIDN'T I JUUUUUST BLOG ABOUT THE FIRST MONTHLY TEST??! EXAMS EXAMS EXAMS, do these people have nothing else better to do?

Assembly today was completely useless to say the least. Well, less excrutiating than last week when they forced us to sit on the floor like mutes and not say a word for fifteen whole minutes (yes, it was pure torture for me. i don't think i've ever kept my mouth shut for that long before) while the principal walked all over the place glaring at everyone, but still useless.

Apparently because of some kepochi parents who are, for some reason stalking Sri KL students on Fb, we're not allowed to swear because they're spying on us or something. The principal made it sound as if we have to ask for their permission to use Facebook. And Mr Teh says we can't say WTF anymore. BOOfrikkinHOO. Naturally I was at the back of the hall scoffing at every word.

And their genius solution to some of the students in our school forming / joining gangs?..

JAM SESSIONS.

(you know, where you sing and play musical instruments)

Are you kidding me? You think what, Camp Rock ah now?

Oh and tambah lagi, "if I catch anyone of you slapping your friends, like the *piak piak piak piak piak* kind, both you and the person being slapped will be suspended". I have nothing clever to say anymore, the school has officially reached a point where they tidak boleh diselamatkan lagi. Why did I even come here in the first place, I don't know.

+ WHY IS EVERYONE IN SRI KL GOING BALD??????? OMG, everywhere I turn, there are bald people.

My horrific day was magnified by the fact that I had period cramps and gastric for the whole day and I couldn't even distinguish between the two.

SHIT SHIT SHITTTY.

i have to go :( i have to stop talking now. all the thirty over pictures I uploaded all wasted.

tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.

Second post today.

2010-05-17T21:24:00.000+08:00

MY BESTFRIEND IS FUCKING GOING TO MONEYKYWORLD WITHOUT ME LOR.

Eh siam, I mean Monkeyworld, in the UK. And obviously I can't follow her because it's in the UK. I am so tempted to write a long sentence filled with profanities.

Allysså says:
yeah
well sucks then
cause monkeyworld is filled with monkeys.
baby monkeys
monkey stuff toys
I say:
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.
Allysså says:
monkey-related rides.
I say:
EH, BUY FOR ME. BIG BIG ONE.
MOTHERFUCK.
Allysså says:
lol sucks then
i aint buyin a huge one
and bringing it back
I say:
AW COME ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN. I'VE ALWAYS WANTED A MONKEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Allysså says:
... you want me to carry a human size fluffy pillow-ish monkey into the plane?
it aint gonna fit in a luggage.
I say:
PUT ON THE PLABE LA!
GOT EXTRA SEAT ONE!

I am THAT desperate.

_____________________________________________________________

ROFL SORRY IF I SCARED YOU. I REALLY WANT TO GO TO MONKEYWORLD.

RAIbosomes.

2010-05-17T20:45:00.000+08:00

Dear Raihana,

Your ta-tas are huge.

I called you thrice last night, okay! Again, I'm sorry for our recent arguments / misunderstandings / ultra loud conversations. I know we aren't exactly in the right at times either. Thank you for always being there when I need you. For being such a good caring friend always. Altho I don't say it aloud very often, I really do appreciate it..

Ahem. "Exactly sixteen years ago on this day, your mother was in the hospital expelling you from her uterus and then her .... " LMAOROFL LA, ILL STOP. IM SORRY.

Big girl already ah, stop scratching your tummy ;)

HAPPY SWEET SIXTEENTH

samuRAI-HANA BANANA AROMA!

With love, Lok-adoodledoo.

2010-05-16T16:36:00.000+08:00

AND HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY!

I don't care if none of my teachers are reading this, I'm just going to type anyway for the sake of it because I'm so anal. I'm sorry la that I constantly eat kuachi in your classes and that I keep telling ya'll useless things about me like I want to live in a tree.

Escpecially my Physics teacher la. I'm sorry but I don't get a word of what he's saying. I don't even remember what he's teaching right now. Heck, I can't even remember his name sometimes.

Starfish.

2010-05-16T16:25:00.001+08:00

Hello (:

title's an inside joke. i haven't gone nuts.

NO THAT IS NOT ME. I DO NOT LOOK LIKE HER.

My bestfriend is a horrible person. She shamelessly gropes my boobs in public, calls me names, and Wall-Of-Death's my face with her ass until my lungs threaten to die.

So why is she still my best friend, you ask?

I HAVE NO IDEA LA BETCH.

Kidding.

we've been bestfriends since we were two fat little teenagers running around the padang during lunch. even after you threw rubber bands at me and ruined my powerpuff girls pencilbox in standard two, we're still here eight years later.

you're the most focused person I know (GOT INTO CAMBRIDGE ALREADY WTF) and I mean hello, who studies on their birthday?? I would've so used that excuse to not study.

I'm going to miss you so much when you move to wherever you're moving whenever you're going. I'm sorry, the details are fuzzy, I just know that you're moving soon. See, that's one reason why I love you. I forget half the things you tell me and if you hate me for it you never seem to say so. And you taught me how to say Vagina in German.

thanks for being there through every relationship, for being there to call whenever I just need to scream at someone in Chinese/Hokkien or when I need to cry my non-existent balls off. for being as honest as you are and for being such a good friend always.

HAPPY SWEET SIXTEENTH, BEAUTIFUL :)
you know I love you.

Stop speaking Hokkien.

2010-05-15T23:23:00.000+08:00

First thing's first. Boys, a word of advice. There comes a certain time every month when your girlfriend might complain to you that her boobs hurtlike motherchickenlanjiaocicakballs. However, the appropriate response to that is never "I WILL MASSAGE THEM FOR YOU".

Whoa, this week was hell.

I managed to repair all the relationships (well, almost. one just refuses to repair itself) that somehow turned to shit over the course of the last month. I know that the way I typed it out made it confusing and hard for you to understand but aiyoh, we all have our own problems, so I'm pretty sure you weren't cracking your head trying to figure out mine :)

Sometimes I just talk about my problems here because it's sort of like therapy to me (yes, I like talking to myself sometimes, it's healthy) , and not because I'm trying to plague you with my business. On the downside, people misinterpret what I'm trying to say, and judge me for it. That's a no no. I know I'm a little mean to people sometimes but hey, I'm not the kind of person who goes around hating people for absolutely no reason.

Nick ;

It's not that I constantly contradict myself when I talk about him. It's just that on one hand, I tell myself that I don't need him (I really dont. He's a want, not a need), that I'll do just fine without him. But on the other hand, I just really don't want to see our already strained relationship to go through so much anymore. I don't want what we had to go to waste just because we're selfish, childish, etc. That's the way I see it.

___________________________________________________________

So yeah, if you didn't gauge from my previous posts, I had a hellish week and TGI's over :)

Our new Chemistry teacher looks like an ostrich egg. She has this nasty habit of going all "hahahahhaahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha! ....... NO -.- " And her writing is worse than cakar ayam. Her alasan - I quote her "oh, I can write ugly because I've passed all my exams already. but you have to write nicely". Lady, if I can't even read your writing how am I going to pass my exams?

Early Teacher's Day celebration.

"Eh, the hall looks so romantic. I bet they recycled the decorations from Valentine's Day."

I was somewhere at the back, rolling all over the floor and burying my face in people's laps. Cried like a baby when someone sang Your Guardian Angel and Home. Emo emo emo emo emo.

Today alone, I managed to complete two out of the four overdue karangans that I owe my teacher. SAKIT BABI TANGAN AKU DOH. I totally started the minute I hopped out of bed, it's like I had this sudden urge to do my homework. Hahaha I know, I know, what's with the sudden change of scenery ;)

And I still had time to watch The Bounty Hunter - cetak rompak one (got bored ten minutes into the story) , my mother says Gerard Butler's hot.

Fame (okay lah, typical story. predicted half of it before it happenned) ,

Bandslam (yes, I am mad outdated) ,

Nine (BE ITAAAALIAAAAAAA. Damn hot. But I didn't understand their accent half the time and their subtitles were complete shit)

And thanks munshen, for sitting standing in a corner of your room holding your phone up like a dungu just to talk to me because you have sucky reception :) awwww. Sorry your telepon kena ambil liao. Why your dad bo dai bo ji go and take one :(

YERRRRRR, can see your blackheads la!

OMG, right corner. Me, three years ago when my nose looked more like a button. I looked so.. Made In China.

I own the World's Dirtiest Mirror.

Ciao, mo'fos! :)

AWKWARD unfinished post.

2010-05-13T21:52:00.000+08:00

Why is it such a big fucking deal that I'm a free thinker? Sure, you people don't say it out loud, but you do know that I can sense it right? Everytime the any teacher remotely mentions anything about not worshipping God, I feel heads whipping behind to look at me. Are you people trying to force me to choose? And yes, I'm not as obedient or as guai as you people, but you don't have to relate that to me being Agnostic. Yes, you're a Christian, Muslim, whatever, but most of you don't even pray. So you're wrong. Stand there in your wrongness and be wrong. And stop staring at me for God's sakes.

I'm sorry, Ash :( never again, I promise.

Snuck out of the house (don't tell anyone) to see him a few days ago for a mere five minutes because mom still doesn't know about him. I'm not going to tell her because (only my friends know about this). She still thinks that all the flowers and everything are from the other boy. Buzzkill much.

Oh God the nerve of me. Last night, I slept with a can of potato chips. Thank God the feller didn't pop it's lid and spill all its contents all over my bed because that would mean a lot of unneccesary trouble in the form of a lengthy scolding from my momma and also a lot of cleaning for me to do and that's not a good thing at all seeing that I'm allergic to any form of work especially homework which by the way, I still have half a mountain left to do and absolutely zero time to do it which is something I totally don't understand because I spend everything shaking my legs like I have nothing to do at all but in actuality I have a million things to do and plus, I still have time to blog which makes me a very lazy yet very hardworking person in the sense that I'm much too lazy to even touch my homework and yet I still have the drive and the time to come here and write this very sentence which in fact, makes close to no sense but still is a very nice and long sentence with no fullstops.

And yes, I do rant like that on a daily basis, often forgetting to breathe. Am I very the chun or what? ;)

HOI, MY READERS ARE GETTING ANGRY WITH MY NEVERENDING DEPRESSION :( how?

You know what's mega weird? Seeing you online all the time and not even talking. I mean, seriously?.. Awkward much considering the way we used to be. And don't flatter yourself, I'm not even talking about you. No, really.

Really, whatthefck am I supposed to be feeling right now?

2010-05-13T19:07:00.000+08:00

LIKE YOU EVEN CARE.

You know what hurts worse than being lied to?..

2010-05-12T21:55:00.001+08:00

knowing that you're not even worth the effort of an apology..

Hello readers :) had yet another bad day where everything went wrong. But it's okay! My horoscope says that things will get better after the thirteenth or fourteenth of this month! (this is me being positive! the cup is half full not half empty)

And do you know what's worse than stabbing your own finger with a key?

;
;
;
;
;
;

CUTTING YOUR OTHER FINGER WITH YOUR BRACES HALF AN HOUR AFTER THAT.

and this is another picture of the same finger btw (too lazy to take another one of the other one)

funny story, I was kinda ~~digging~~ trying to clean my bloody braces in the back, and I accidentally closed my mouth and the metal cut through my finger.

Silly me.

School was mega productive today, I finally started catching up with my overdue mountain of work instead of sleeping and playing with that Goddamned devillish iPhone (I miss you terribly, DoodleJump and PocketGod), and ~~things are looking up~~ :')

Ah, I initially had a ton of things to tell you but mommy wants me to go bathe cause she claims she can smell me from the kitchen so I'll just post pictures first, and talk to you tomorrow ;

I finally got a little bit of mood to camwhore again!

I felt like an Alzheimer patient who finally got his memory back.

I'm kinda getting used to the way things are right now ; taking shit and fighting the urge to pick up my phone and text HIM everytime something happens. Sure, I have about six people texting me at once but it still gets lonely.

Yes, all that stuff about "there are so many fishes in the ocean, so why do you only want one fish?"

kerana ikan tu sedap sangatlah. rindu, saya :(

And i wonder if i ever cross your mind, for me it happens all the time. yes id rather hurt than feel nothing at all, im all alone and i need you now. said i wouldnt call, but i lost all control and I need you now. and I dont know how i can do without, i just need you now

♥

waiting.

2010-05-11T21:32:00.000+08:00

Hey, second post today, I'm so semangated! lol yes, a complete 180 degree turn from the last post, only because I have great friends. Have I ever mentioned my quickfix for losing my belly? (Yes, you cheemakais, it's actually flat once in a while) Okay fine la, actually I cheat one. Just go to the toilet and excrete la (Kai Wen swears by it!) ;) or or or, skip dinner. NEVER FAILS. I just had two slices of potato chips for dinner.

FUCKING LAME. What am I even talking about. I am hungry as fuck. I was depressed as sheet before, but now that I'm alright, I am hungry. And craving roti bakar. Mo'fo.

killing me softly.

2010-05-11T20:17:00.001+08:00

Hello dear readers, I've just about had the shittest day ever. Today was just really really really unbelievebly horrible until cannot tahan anymore. In fact, it feels like something died.

1. I couldn't sleep the whole night.

I kept tossing and turning and hitting my head on the wall because I was thinking about shit and when I was finally ready to fall asleep, my damn alarm rang. Seriously, I even tried to sleep on the floor but my arse started hurting and when I flipped over, my two girlfriends hurt like a motherbitch. I was so tired I would've skipped school (which is something I haven't done since I was 12, really I've haven't missed a day of school in three years) but today was the Drama Competition Preliminaries.

which brings us to

2. The drama preliminaries.

Yep, after all the practices and all the screaming and all the preparations, we did not get through. At first it felt like shit, because Hyena and her class got through and no, I didn't even watch their play, but I still despise her guts, I'm alright now. It doesn't matter anymore. Still, drama practices were admittedly a lot of fun, we got to bond as a class and also skip plenty of lessons at the same time.

which thus leads to

3. I'm sixteen and I already don't know what I'm doing with my life.

I have zero mood to study, as you have heard very often on this blog. Exams are in two weeks, motherbitch (I don't know why I keep saying that, I don't even know what it means. and it's not like it sounds nice or anything)

and that steers us to

4. My potty mouth.

Lately my mouth has been shooting off without restraint. I say things without pondering it first, I blurt out whatever rubbish I see fit and really, it has been giving me a lot of shit.

and on an unrelated note,

5. Mom's car broke down when she came to fetch me from school, two and a half hours late.

So there I was, at SIXPM, standing by the side of the road, worn out, knackered and completely drained from school and cursing the shit out of whatever made my mother's damned shitty Kembara to suddenly pengsan on us.

and,

6. My horoscope's complete garbage.

Aries: Today's Daily Horoscope
Try to stay active today -- though you shouldn't have to try very hard! It's a good day for you to turn your positive energy into tangible results at home, at work or in the community as a whole.

unless,

7. You listen to THIS smarter version of my horoscope.

(No, I don't actually believe in horoscopes but I do find it remarkable when what they say is right. I only checked my horoscope because I was depressed and had nothing better to do.)

Love:
Romance does poorly near the 10th to 13th and some Aries WILL terminate relationship status or see temporary setback damage, possibly to 'misunderstandings and poor communication/s'. Repairs appear likely for the 14/15th. Singles do NOT do well until AFTER the 13th (yeah, thanks. i believe you).

Bestfriend and don't know how to describe the feller.

Therapy.

; the bestfriend, who suddenly decided that things weren't right, and decided to suddenly explode on us ytd. will sort this out soon.

; fighting with the exboyf again. because he lied. yes, again. about an extra privatesecret that we PINKY PROMISED each other we'd keep. not only did he blurt it out, he lied about it, to my face. i really don't think we're ever going to talk anymore after this. even on my EXTRA SHITTIEST day, he didn't even put everything aside to talk to me. and the thing about me, i particularly like talking to him after a long day, not that he gives two hoots about.. in fact, he chose to ignore the shit out of me, which just started all the pending waterworks that i've been holding in all day.

Damnit la, I just want to curl up and die now.

And readers, a word of advice incase you're as silly as I was,

Don't build your world around anyone or anything because if you lose it, you'll literally feel like you've lost everything.

this time i blame you.

2010-05-09T15:11:00.000+08:00

Hello (: second post today. I haven't had any mood to blog lately, thus my deteriorating posts or whatever you want to call it..

Oh you know what, I just remembered what I wanted to tell you. My favourite and least favourite part of my body would be my mouth. It is without a doubt the most annoying and mafan part of my body. This morning, I listerined my mouth and it burned so bad that I didn't know what to do and all I wanted to do was cry. I scrape my tongue, the next thing I know my gag reflex threatens to kick in. I floss the feller, my poor gums bleed.

And + my braces. Hoooo boy this one, don't even get me started on this. Not only do my teeth feel like dropping off because the dentist feller pulled it extra extra tight, all the bloody metal is killing my mouth. Today alone, I have five and a half ulcers. Even after a lot a lot of water, it still feels like a fiery fishball. Thank God I didn't pierce my tongue. Yet. My mouth is so bengkak that my potty mouth doesnt even feel like swearing anymore.

Like I say and repeat in almost every single post (not an exaggeration), the only thing I remember about school is me stoning on a chair listening to Munchie's iPod while painting my nails and figuring out what in the world Top Gear is about (car show). What what fuel consumption GT max engine frequent flyer 13.456253.

Worst case scenario the other day, I was all up in my hippie mode, with a headband making my head look like I had a gigantic brain and sitting in the lotus position yelling "I want to live in a tree" at every passing person all the while eating potato chips and Frosties and listening to Munchie's iPod :D yes, our teachers are either THAT blur, or they just don't care anymore. dulan max la, I don't know how I can afford to slack off this bad when I don't even understand half of what the Bio teacher's talking about.

Exams are in two or three weeks, I'm prepared to die. Again. Eh, I'll have you know, I was actually smart before I got lazy. I have my first, second, and third in class plaques to prove it. Gone are the days where I could ace every single test without even cracking a book.

I'm going to bake a cake.

2010-05-09T14:18:00.001+08:00

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL MOTHERS :)

and grandmothers, and greatgrandmothers.

My mother doesn't read my blog anyway, so I'm not going to waste my time on a post telling her how much I love her because she already knows, I'm sure ;) winkety wink wink. And all our pictures are in my laptop which I absolutely can't turn on because I fried the battery power cord thing (I don't know what it's called, okay? I just made up a fancy name and I hope it works) so yeah, screw my ass.

Anyway, avid readers of my blog would know a thing or two about my mom. She's even more technology recessive than I am, eats total organic rubbish which tastes similar to cardboard and insists that it's the yummiet thing she's ever tasted and like every caring mom, she nags like nobody's business.

Mom Me

No ma, it's either Mozilla or Internet Explorer.

Nooooo, don't lie to me. I used a Yahoo one in Australia.

Mom, I'm downloading skype again la.

What? How to pay for it? FREE AH? Are you sure, after they charge my credit card then how.

Last time my sister saw her clicking ALL the popups and reading all of them. Yes, even the "x-ray sexy girls' underwear" shit.

YOU LOOK AT HIS FACE LA. YOU LOOK AT HIS FACE.

Si beh cute until cannot tahan!

Hhahaha if you're in the mood, zoom in and look at my mom's face (:

This is my sister trying to convince us that Marc looks more like her (;

FAMILY PICTURE (:

and please don't start with all the "your sister looks like you without braces weih" business.

MY SISTER *shakes head* exactly like me only (; ahem ahem ahem.

Acceptance.

2010-05-06T22:00:00.000+08:00

I just got a blast of the past of what my mother used to put me in when I was too young to care/argue/notice.

HIDEOUS OR NOT?

Granny panties at 7 years old. I don't even know why I posted this up today, i'm just memalufying myself -.- eh, I'll have you know nothing like that goes on anymore ah, seriously. SERIOUSLY.

HELLO my very abandoned rapidly depleting readers! :D

I have lots and lots and lots of out-of-nowhere things to tell you which have almost nothing to do with each other, so it's going to be a real cincai bocai garbage rojak post. Here goes ;

I woke up to half a packet of Chachos today :D

Can you imagine me sitting in bed with my eyes half closed munching on chips? WTF. Note that I'm having my PENCIL right now, so I won't gain any weight no matter what I eat, nyehaheyehahaha. Actually, a friend told me that years ago, I can't be bothered to test the authenticity of that statement.

AND MY CHEMISTRY TEACHER MR LIM DOESN'T WANT US ANYMORE.

He's going off to teach the IGCSE classes :( and he's being replaced by somebody who looks like OstrichWoman (old joke about someone I don't like) Just when I was starting to understand the concept of moles. No, not the one on your face. Something about molecules punya la. Where other people end with a party or something, my chem teacher leaves us with a horrible quiz -.- I actually like him a lot a lot a alot altho he's been megamean to Kai and I lately :(

Other than that, drama practices for the upcoming Drama Competition is going quite well at this point. There have been several (A LOT LAH ACTUALLY) misunderstandings and screaming matches and nobody was cooperating at all before this, and + our script isn't all that fantastic, but I guess we're improving on that and FINALLY bonding as a class (except for the three chinese fellers who only speak chinese, but I'll gau tim them later).

In case you didn't know, I'm the bimbotic bitchy princess (why am I not surprised), and funny enough, my self righteous boyfriend's name in the play is Nick who is played by Waikit. I'll have you know we have absolutely no chemistry. To date, he has managed to poke my boob once, bruise both my arms, and fling my foot in the air -.-

Oh I belum sempat show you the unneccesary rubbish I bought that day.

Wore this for the Charity Dinner :)

my favourite bracelet so far (:

+ Sago I cooked last night :D

See? I cook until so naiiiice ;)

No lah, the outcome obviously didn't look like that.
It's ME right? Everything I cook turns out like crap. But I do believe that it's a blessing in disguise! The people who love me will swallow every piece of kanasai garbage I cook, and still plaster a smile on their faces :D over-optimisticnyaaa.

I actually got so excited I served everyone before I took a picture. FAILFAILFAIL.

Oh and about my present from Aussie :) everyone didn't know what phone to get me (fine lah, my instrustions weren't all that clear. i only said "pink qwerty phone, nice one") so I get to slowly slowly take my own sweet time to pick out my birthday present. But kache got me clothes :D

Why do we only wait until the very last minute to tell say what we really feel?

Why do we choose regret over facing out fears?

2010-05-05T22:11:00.000+08:00

I can't wait for you anymore. You come and go from my life as you please, and frankly it's disconcerting. Everytime I so much as start to trust you again, you turn around and leave me. You like me, you come, you don't like me, you go. You come and go as you like and you always leave me fucking hanging like some stupid bitch. And you know why this is happenning? It's because you're always so Goddamned insecure. Because I don't trust you at all. Because of what you did. Because you're always so insecure.

And I don't care what your friends read, and how they perceived it (no offense to you if you're reading this, hello!) because they don't know where I'm coming from. It's impossible to write all the hows and whys of it.

But I'm going to stay strong, unwavering.

AND BESIDES, MY READERS ARE GETTING FED UP WITH ALL THIS SHIIT ;)

Charity Dinner, cincai bocai post.

2010-05-05T21:51:00.001+08:00

Saturday :

Hello, just came home from sleeping over at Kai's house.

Charity Dinner was aweshum although I still don't understand why we paid 120 bucks to go there and camwhore in dresses. It's not like I don't do that enough already. Barely even got to try the food and it's unfortunate that the one of the only dishes I tried sucked to the maxxxx.

First off wanna know why I was so Goddamned pissed and banging things around at the dinner? I know very well that all this could very well qualify as a thirteen episode Korean drama, but it's not like I asked for it. And I don't care whether you want to know or not. Nick actually came to see me halfway through the dinner and gave me five minutes of hell.

First he was all up in his "I can't bear to lose you mode", then he shifted into his "I can't do this anymore mode". Later that night, he started his "I want you back" mode again. I really feel so hopeless sometimes I tell you. Yes or no, yes or no.

I'm sorry but at that point I really didn't care about anything anymore. A dinosaur could have hit me and I wouldn't even be bothered to scream at it.

~~im moving on, unphased. i mean it.~~

We arrived an entire hour late because of the horrible traffic *more like last minute hair and makeup coughcough*. Got back to Kai's place at about 1am after stopping at 7eleven for latenight potato chips and maggimee. We originally planned to not go to sleep at all so we watched Where Got Ghost!? I kept shouting at everyone and throwing pillows at them when they looked like they were about to kong. Halfway through, I sendiri ter-fell asleep. FAIL.

Woke up to horrible Hyenabitch (i coloured her name green because that's one of my least favourite colours)'s laughter which somehow even permeated the fucking doors. Eh, would it kill her to tone it down a bit, it was what, five am? I tell you, she just brings out the worst in me. She even made me swear in my sleep WTF. Anne heard me :P

skinnyboy + angry looking chikopek.

the bestfriends :)

The bestfriend.

this is me gaying with annieKOHtak.

dancefloor :) by the side la actually.

I know my dress is tersangat-sangat short but you can't see my pubic hair pun, so its alright ;)

me and the other bestfriend.

♥

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

2010-05-04T22:06:00.000+08:00

... it's too late to apologize.

♥

CHIMma makai.

I just discovered that my potty mouth is capable of swearing even when I'm sleeping. When I was sleeping over at Kai's house the other day, Hyenabitch (just a nickname for someone I ~~despise~~ don't like) laughed her head off at God knows what unGodly hour of the morning and apparently Anne heard me say "whaaat the faaaaaaaak la" in my sleep. Really, I didn't even know that I was talking.

I have so so so many things to tell you but I have absolutely zero time to breathe :( I'm not kidding, I don't even have time to reply my texts nowadays. been running around doing shiznits that don't even have anything to do with my studies and I'm starting to freak out. Can die.

Just got the Charity Dinner pictures from CHIMpanzee :) and I just sorted everything out. will blog tomorrow, a proper post to make up for not blogging for four days and I promise not to flood it with just pictures + updates on the melayu and cheena boys and what I've been doing with my life.

All my love, Lok :)

Sweetpea.

2010-04-30T07:03:00.000+08:00

Happy Friday the 30th.

For me, today seems to be having the same effect as Friday the 13th is supposed to have, and it it's barely seven am. I woke up multiple times to cry and puke last night (God knows why, I'm not preggers or anything!), and for once my stomach feels skinny as hell. At least I'm being optimistic la!

And if you're reading this, Nicholas, PLEASE stop reading my sodding blog. Everytime you do you either end up in tears, or I do.

Last night opened a can of old scars. It felt entirely like the time we initially broke up.

&now it just feels so goddamned final.

I'm slowly getting hyped up about the Charity Dinner tonight and I won't let anything spoil my mood, and neither will I cry today. I'm going to have a good time tonight, and at the very least, I'm not spending it alone.

_|_

I'm done.

2010-04-29T20:44:00.001+08:00

you said you'd never ever give up, no matter what. MY FUCKING FOOT. i said i'd rather put up a facade and give up something that makes me happy rather than lose you. i told you repeatedly that i never loved ash, and somehow to you even that isn't even a good enough reason to stay. even after that, you still can't find it in you to fight for me just this once. i'm through with waiting around for you all the time like some stupid bitch, i'm done with having to second guess your intentions all the time, i'm not going to put up with any of your shit anymore.

we're not even together, which explains why i have close to zero qualms about saying that i miss someone else. that isn't a fucking big deal considering the fact that you once told another girl that you love her. and i have no interest in being friends with you because we're just going to fall into the same pattern again, without a doubt.

all i wanted was for you to not give up on me, for you to actually give this a real shot this time. for you to, despite everything, talk things out with me and find out things for what they really are. i'm tired of feeling like i'm two feet tall, that i'm not important enough for you to fight for.

but i love you. always have, always will.

your loss for not realising that.

Will blog when I don't feel like killing people anymore.

Heartbroken, again. Same boy. The one that actually mattered.

Ouch.

2010-04-28T23:07:00.000+08:00

Helloo.

Had triple periods of physics. You people are just asking for it I tell you, what do you expect me to do, pay attention? I can barely keep my mind on a single thing for more than five minutes. So instead of listening to the teacher, Kai Wen and I sat on the floor and played Batu Seremban with erasers and somehow we went from poking Raihana's squishy buttocks to chasing each other while throwing erasers at each others' boobs.

Nice going, sixteen years old and we're still running around laughing like madwomen.

And malay boy finally called :)

but now Nick and I sort of aren't talking.

*Facepalm, facepalm, facepalm*

I BLOG TOMORROW LA. I NOT IN THE MOOD, FUCKING STUPID MALES.

LANJIAO, LANJIAO, LANJIAO.

Germs.

2010-04-27T22:42:00.000+08:00

I MISS MY MELAYUBOY LIKE MAD :(

I haven't seen A in a week, let alone talk to him these past few days. somehow out of nowhere he got angry with me again about about how i was still getting over the breakup when we first started talking, how i was eventually getting better as he got to know me, and how i'm still talking to the exboyf even after so long. and how he feels like i'm never going to love him properly. sometimes i owe it to him for being so patient, for being one of the only things besides my girlfriends holding me up when i was on the verge of dying and for still being here after so long, but that doesn't mean that i have to live up to whatever expectation he has for me.

& contrary to what it looks like, I am NOT hungup over the ex, it's just that we had something special.

how do you just throw that away just because people tell you to?

It's been nearly a week and I am still as sick as a dirty old man from Singapore living on Geylang Street. I've been coughing up balls of phlegm and speing my germs wherever I go. HOW :(

I just got a formspring two days ago, ask me whatever you want ;) and i promise to answer every sinlge question, no matter how stupid or how answer-less it may be.

And MOMMA'S finally HOME from Adelaide! ;D

after one whole month of not seeing her, it was like a breath of fresh air seeing her ignoring the fact that the first thing she said to me was "hello have you taken your bath yet?". i miss miss miss my mother despite everything. bye bye freedom, no more boys coming over at unGodly hours of the day, no more cooking maggimee as and when i feel like it, hello study camp, hello discipline.

will post the rest of my syoksendiri pictures tomorrow - and that's either a warning for you to run miles away or an invitation to come early early tomorrow ;)

- love you.

of tattoos, stupid Nazi's and my shameless friends :)

2010-04-25T23:02:00.001+08:00

Just woke up (yes, I am aware that it's eight o clock. but i'm also aware that I posses uncanny similarities to a pig and thus can sleep to my heart's content where the time doesn't matter to me in the least bit) from singlehandedly the weirdest dream besides that time I dreamt about my whole family being warriors and practicing in the garden while my chilhood best friend was fanning me (I was the princess, duh!) while I was sitting on a pedastal scrubbing my feet with my dog.

Today, I dreamt that my dad brought me, his brothers, and one of my cousins and me to a top secret chinese restaurant in One Utama. After being given guns and passing through security which was a few burly men in grey molesting us, we descended the most magnificent golden stairs, and arrived at a door which les us through to another place.

There stood the Forbidden Palace of China. Yes, the WHOLE of it. Right then, my cousin passed me a birthday card from a friend, Suetteng (I know right, out of nowhere), and the waiter brought the bill. A sodding RM 8088. Luckything somehow I knew it was a dream. Then ironically I woke up before I even got to the dinner because I needed to eat my real dinner and also because I need to blog.

Saturday :

So the tug-of-war didn't exactly go as planned (the blue house people were giganormous I tell you! and they totally pulled us across the line wei! damn embarrassing! )

Ahem, as I was saying, we ended up getting second. We came in second for march-past, and landed up third for cheerleading. While red's marching was good they got third or something, and green which (sorry la) sucked got first. In all honesty I think the judges were a bit bias towards yellow on a lot of occasions but I'm not going to elaborate. Hey, I'm only saying what some of you think so don't throw stones at me.

You know what? While everyone was on the field reciting the oath promising to participate with 'penuh semangat kesukanan' and 'mematuhi peraturan' and everything, the VIP judges should have been there too instead of cooling their asses in the air-conditioned VIP room.

But anyway, who cares about the nitpicky teensy weensy details? ;

YELLOW WON OVERALL :D

End of story.

You do know that I only agreed to stopp talking about it because I needed to blog about my day out right?

So after Sports Day my girls, Rai, Kai and I were supposed to jet to Pyramid with the boys to beli barang for the Charity Dinner because I'm absolutely convinced that all of them have horrendous taste in clothes. (I swear I heard someone saying something about bling bling-ed jackets and silver pants.)

Actually, the "Charity Dinner barang" was just a cover excuse. This is my last outing before I have to go back to school and start slaving away again. No more Sports Day related excuses, no more choir related reasons to skip class (WE QUIT!). Hello, homework, goodbye guiltlessly skipping classes. Hello, newfound angry teachers, goodbye iPhone DoodleJump sessions in class while everyone else studies their asses off.

After one of the most excruciating car rides ever (I'm not going to elaborate but I want to strangle a few people now), somehow we landed up at Kai's house painting our nails Barbie Pink (I like!) and coaching Kai Wen on how not to poke her own eyeballs out. After another equally excruciating car ride, we got to Pyramid and had lunch at Sushi Zanmai where I learned that ALL the boys had ditched us out of nowhere. Boo you people la, go ffk us last minute, you can go in your underwear and sweat pants :( hmph.

@Kai Wen's car.

For once in my life, I'm posting up someone other than myself punya syok sendiri photos. This feels so si beh weird tau.

Then I couldn't tahan...

OMG SO FAT.

@Sushi Zanmai.

90% wasabi, 10% soysauce.

This is Kai Wen trying to be a hero *swoons* it actually made her nose run even more *snickers*

This is partly the reason why I'm such a lousy blogger. Whilst other people patiently take pictures of their food from every angle before they proceed to eat it, I have no self restraint.

"Loklysha, must take pictures of the food okay?"

food comes

EAT.

I ordered a - "Kai wen ah, come into the picture la, faster. I want to shop already".

And I got this :

-.-

Shopped around, then went to get tattoos.

Rempit's girlfriend.

Rich princess from China.

Oh I just remembered what I forgot I was going to tell you. Surprisingly, Asian Avenue has a lot of hot guys. For your information, they usually hide in the Halloween shop or whatever the heck it's called. The one with all the funky hat and ugly Playboy costumes which don't work. I'm only telling you because I'm nice.

I swear I don't even know what the bloody heck this is. I got so irritated because I couldn't decide on what to get on that I finally settled for this.. bird contraption thing.

Went back to Kai's house after that to pig out and watch Jennifer's Body. Haha shock, horror, call us major movie-slackers but we don't follow Megan Fox's body as closely as some guys do *wink wink nudge nudge elbow elbow* and neither is it our every dream to see Megan Fox naked thank you very much!

Going to blog in picture form because there isn't much to elaborate on from here on.

Okay, so I paint like a man. So what's your point?

Totally loving G-String now, I mean look at the colours *drools*!! :D

From Mini Toons. My four dollars of diabetes ;)

FREEcookie, from Eric (hahahahahahahahahah!) @ Juice Works who swindled Kai Wen's money.

My dinner of salmonskin & edamamepeas + two doughnuts I freeloaded off Rai :)

Got new leg bracelets or whatchamacallit. Anklets? Ya meh?

Re-pierced my tragus because the feller failed on me for the third bloody time! :(

Getting a new one before the charity dinner. No duh, of course it isn't real, what do you think I am, stupid?

Haha. Sweetdreams sweetpeas :) goodnight.

Sick & dying.

2010-04-23T23:47:00.001+08:00

SICK. SICK. SICK. SICK. SICK. damfak.

You see? Eventho I can't see nuts through all the tears that somehow follow every sneeze, I'm still here blogging religiously. I deserve a clap.

Chinese Nin Jom (whaaat?) tablets, bottle after bottle after bottle of water, and tons of antibiotics later, I still have no voice. For once in my life, it hurts to talk and I can't even say anything without sounding like a sex line operator. God help me.

Did I mention my sore throat which feels a little bit like a mini electric shock everytime I cough. To add to that, I have a bitchy running nose which could win a marathon :( I've managed to wade through two boxes of tissue since ytd and I look like I just broke up with another boyfriend -.-

For once in my life, I actually like my lashes (:

LMAO you know what, everytime I do that or smile my mucus comes out.

Speaking of boyfriends (we were?), Nick came over today.

muka baru bangun (:

Got my medals ytd :)

And I forgot to show you my other birthday present from Kai Wen.

Kai . Sha

Shaaa, happy birthday *smirks*

What in the world is this? Can eat wan ah?

No!! Oh em gee I tell you, this is a.. a B-type korean box thing!

I swear life is turning into shit. All I do is try to study, watch Gossip Girl and order Mcdonalds in the middle of the night. No drama, no boyfriends, no more bitches that amuse me enough to talk about. FTS.

Sports Day tomorrow! :D

2010-04-19T22:07:00.001+08:00

I swear swear swear for the life of me, I WILL EDIT THE LAST TWO POSTS.

I feel so imcomplete leaving them hanging there and I probably wouldn't even sleep that well tonight but I haven't gotten the pictures from laggard blogger #2 Chimkaiwen (I'm number 1, in case you were wondering) and because my photoshop dieded and refuses to do a 'Frankenstein' and come back to life. Asswipe.

After going through 300 notifications in total on Facebook + two cincai bocai posts, I am finally up-to-date with today.

I had an AWESHUM day in school today, mainly because I wasn't in school for most of it :)

Spent nearly the whole day at the stadium with the bestfriends (minus Kohlianne and Shannen and Bing)who all happenned to have events today! :)

LAO NIANG GOT SECOND FOR MY DISCUS EVENT ;D faster, faster, congratulate me!

This is the Carmen.

EYEBALL :D

The Raihana and The Kaiwen doing "headography" *inside joke* while Carmen poses like a kelefeh.

Lately I've either been out of class, at the stadium or busy with something or other or finding excuses to not study for the past few weeks. Okay fine, I've been having fun. Cough cough.

But then again I am extremely worried out of my wits about my studies. I have been slacking tremendously and I don't even know where to start right now. I am unprepared for BM oral which happens to be in the exact same week as the english oral which I am equally unprepared for. My homework is all over the place and bits and pieces of it are threatening to murder me. And with Sports Day ending this Saturday, I won't have anymore valid excuses. I don't comprehend a word anyone is saying and I am scared :(

HOW?

Er, nevermind la. I want to end this post on a happy note.

Oh, and forgive me for being so half past six in blogging lately. But don't run away la readers, I gots a new hamsters :D at the side of my page haha. Look at his face la, so cute. Don't you just HAVE to come and feed him everyday? :D hahaha.

Thank you Brendan!

:) - happy.

EDIT ;D

2010-04-19T21:13:00.000+08:00

HAPPY FRIGGIN SWEET SIXTEENTH, LOKLYSHA!

♥

Indeed, I do HAVE to swear ;)

You are the bestest friend I could ever have and you know about me more than anyone else and yet you still stick around. Your bra size is (you wish la), and you don't care who listens to you in the shower because you secretly think you don't sing all that bad.

Why am I talking about myself ah? What was I talking about before this?

So, sixteen.. hmm, sixteen... I am sixteen.. SO WHAT?

I spent today curled up in my bed finishing up my Korean Drama. In case you're wondering, I didn't go out because my mum's still in Adelaide taking care of my nephew. And no worries ;) I already made her promise me a big present to make up for it.

A came over to pass me my card and an angpau from his mom and two flowers out of nowhere :) in the afternoon when my dad went out for awhile haha. The feller kissed me. LOL. LOL. LOL. FTS. And I think he actually dressed up. Seriously. I mean, he hardly ever looks that clean anyway. *holds hands up in mock defeat* what is my problem ah? -.- cannot tahan. In case you don't know / forgot / don't bother about the useless information that's always available on my blog, he's delaying my present because he still doesn't know what to get me. (his sister told me he almost got me a guess purse too -.-)

Had a Japanese buffet dinner with daddy in some restaurant in Ampang, I can't remember the name for the life of me. Yes lah, damn loner la but still, betetr than nothing :)

And I'd like to thank every single human who bothered about me enough to text me at midnight ytd. LOVE X infinity to you :) *haha, why do I sound like I'm giving a speech at the Oscars, I'm so anal* and also to everyone who wished me on Facebook (250 over notifications, can die)(I know facebook told you la, but still, thank you) and all the people who only talk to me once a year! :D

You know what, I specifically told my father I wanted the word PRINCESS on my cake. His alasan : "Har, oh. ya. aiya, your name better ma. So how now? Buy another cake ah."

OMFG WEI. LOOK AT MY BLACKHEADS.

Wtf am I talking about, stop looking at my blackheads!

I is do like samseng :D

and then my camera fcken dieded on me -.-

Happy sweet sixteenth, loklokvan ;)

2010-04-19T20:49:00.001+08:00

17.4.2010

Hello. Today was a horrible day.

I looked like shitcrap and I'm not even referring to how I normally describe myself. I really looked like shyeat. Especially on camera.
Found out what could possibly be the worst thing in the world besides the invention of addmaths _|_ (that's a middle finger emoticon! the noob blogger just found out -.-)
I had to walk around a mall with my poor leg hurt like !jsjdui28i89jka9! shit the whole time and even my old man plaster didn't help.
Half of my friends were sick today. Kanasai.
Stupid. damned. Daytona. machines. at. the. arcade. conned. my. father's. hard. earned. money. ABC. ABC. ABC. (nola, it's not a swear word. I was just testing out my ability to make normal everyday words sound like profanities when they come out of my mouth. I am so si beh anal -.-) Not funny also.
I am fat.
I left what was supposed to be my midnight snack (an entire pizza + 1 fish fillet) at Kai Wen's house.

But then again it was one of the best days ever :) because

I literally have the bestest friends in the sodding world. And as I type this, I still cannot figure out why or how I deserve all this ♥
Papa was in a darned good mood!

And for those two reasons alone, I change my mind, I had a tersangat good day :)

Got to Kai's house at 11 this morning right before Raihana arrived, and somehow landed at her neighbour's wedding lunch. Had awesome beef briyani and a lagi awesome time sneaking peeks at the very hot Melayu relatives. Pardon me, I'm sixteen. My hormones are raging like mad. Kai, I never knew you had such hot neighbours, I'll come over more often from now on ;)

Spent the whole day out with the girls at 1U to celebrate Lao Niang's birthday :D and like I mentioned, today bombed. But the girls were so so so insistent that it was a GOOD day that I can't even really entirely remember why it was bad. Really tho, I am dangerously close to starting an essay about how warm I feel inside. Hahahahahahahahahaha NO -.-

@ an earring shop whose name I can't be arsed to remember ;

I swear this had nothing to do with me, and i didn't influence them in any way, although I somehow managed to appear in both pictures, but Kai Wen got a rempit-ish looking earring, ...

... and Raihana got a second piercing.

Collected Yinbing then walked around the mall in high heels until all our feet were threatening to break, for once I was smart enough to not care about being short and wore stumpy heels. spent time at the arcade 'with hot guys' whom I cued snooker balls at (meaning that I poked the ball until it literally flew off the table), and almost killed a poor snooker table :) you know what? I'm the best snooker player in the world.

Since I'm so kind I'm going to teach you. Basically you just take the cue with your hand and sweep all the balls into the holes (from left to right). If all else fails, push it in with your fingers when your friends aren't looking. I just noticed two things wrong with my beautiful drawing. I left out two holes on the table. And my hand looks similar to a bunga raya. FAIL.

@ Forever 21 ;

♥

Halfway through cheating at snooker, Kai Wen and Bing went to collect Anne from downstairs while Rai temanned me. Almost an hour later, after I was convinced that they really got kidnapped, they finally called and told me that they were sitting somewhere because Anne ter-fainted. (HER HEAD LAH)

Upon rushing to New York, New York, they were all there, with a cake :) and an UN-FAINTED NOTHING WRONG punya Lianne and Shannen. I never knew my firneds were such good liars. Apparently Raihana was communicating when them all along under the pretense of talking to her mother, and I was too blur to notice.

@ New York, New York! ;
eh, I thought you people wanted me to have nothing to do with New York? hahahaha ;)
Anyway, I loved the dinner. The prices were reasonable, nobody told us to shut up, and the waiters were exceedingly patient with us and even entertained Kai Wen, which says a lot hahaha. My favourite one is still armanibeltEric ;)

Before Rai & I arrived.

Anne's seven incher *wink wink*

My bloody eyeballs ;) which kai somehow managed to make look like some kind of murder scene. got an extra eyeball because it was my bday.

Look at Kai's plate weih.

THIS *points at whole plate* is Kai Wen's dinner.

Seriously though, if you ever get the chance to eat crab with Kai Wen, DO NOT sit next to her. She eats the meat, then proceeds to spit the bones (or whatever it is) in every direction possible. I'm not even kidding about this, she even got some in my hair.

Shannen Lee May May :)

Shan and Bing.

A collection of the ugliest photos of myself that I'd only let my friends take.

girlfriends :) ; love you guys long time.

THIS YEAR'S present from KOHcaine, samuRAI, CHIMpanzee, and BINGthebiscuit :)

Thanks babes, for making today special. You know I love love love every one of you to bits! :D

Ngehehehhe.

2010-04-17T00:34:00.000+08:00

I am so so so so so so so sorry I haven't blogged in a week, I was ~~trying to finish my drama~~ on leave :)

DON'T BE ANGRY LA. Not that you people have any reason to be angry. Heck, what am I talking about, you don't even pay me!

Today, I told myself, "die die also must blog", so here I am, nervously tapping my fingers on the keyboard wondering what in the sodding world to tell you. I really did miss blogging though, everytime something good happenned I wish I had someone other than my friends to tell it to. I missed you Confucius *hugs blog* :D

mad woman.

So anyway, the real reason I haven't been blogging religiously (like I normally do!) is because I've been wastching disc after disc after disc of Autumn's Concerto which is very rare since you'd only catch me rolling my eyes when my friends start raving on and on about dramas like old aunties at a pasar. But seriously I tell you, I watch it when I come home, before I shower, after I get out of the shower, before I take a nap, after I wake up from my nap, before bed, when I wake up, after I bathe, before going to school -.-

AND I'M GETTING A BLOODY FANGIRL CRUSH ON VANNESS WU (uh, and he's like what, forty??)

See, I'm trying to convince Nick to cut his hair into that shape kinda thingamabob :D

RAIHANA, THIS ONE. "Clearance" sale. and is his tragus pierced??? :D

OHMYGOODNESS. Now did that get there?? (I love guys in towels)

Okay, I swear I got that picture from google. I swear. Basically this show is a real tear jerker, a major cry fest. Scene 1, cry, scene 2, cry, operation, cry. Cry, cry, cry. Even my dad's starting to give me weird looks.

And another ~~excuse~~ reason I haven't been blogging is because my laptop power cord battery thing kena fried. Meaning that my photoshop died. Which in turn, made me cry. (Yes, after seeing that the first two sentences rhyme, I'm trying to keep it up -.- YA LA, YA LA, NOT FUNNY ALSO. WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT)

Went to the Masushita Stadium for the whole day today for the PreSports Finals. Lao Niang got a lousy third place for shot putt. I missed second by 0.03 bloddy yards / m / feet (HOW AM I TO KNOW WHICH ONE?). I mean hello, 0.03, you want to die is it?

And I finally removed the shit fugly crystals from the back of my phone. Got tired of the colour. Don't worry, I cleaned the back of my phone so it no longer looks like second hand scrap :)

So other than that I've just been doing the same old thing lately. Go to school, pretend to study, come home, pretend to study, sleep, wake up, eat, computer, sleep again. What a life. Lately I've started to care less, I'm putting less of myself into everything and frankly, it's depressing. Either way, I'm not happy.

I haven't been studying, I don't have an idea in hell what the Bio teacher is ranting about. I haven't opened up my Physics notebook in ages, let alone bothered to listen to a word the teacher's saying (for the record, I've stopped focusing all my attention on his armpits already, that's just old). I really do want to hit the books, I just don't have the mood.

Today, one of my teachers told me "don't let your moods influence you, you influence your mood". For some strange reason (yes strange, I hardly ever listen to anything any of my teachers tell me) it gave me some kind of motivation to sit down and open up a book. What in the sodding world is wrong with me?

;

it was raining outside, i listened to bleeding love yesterday while sitting in a corner of my room going through all 626 of my texts (pre and post breakup) (and yes, i created the emo ambience on purpose). every message i read tore open a new wound, every memory kept flashing back. my head ached so bad from all the contradictions, all my what ifs. i shut my eyes so tight until i teared. you have no idea how much i miss the old old him. just so you know, the msgs are still lying in my phone, undeleted. i don't have the heart.

My thoughts could confuse a man in a coma.

♥